i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
id be glad to
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
