I just cut my nipple shaving
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize
