My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
