pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
