2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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