After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
