I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i believe in u and ur pee
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
