At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
it's like iHOP with fire
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
