Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
