Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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