I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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