you mean i was at the winter classic?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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