I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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