woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
