Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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