I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have fence marks all over my body
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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