My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
