My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
