I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
