he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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