Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
