What a fucking waste of an outfit
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
