I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
