Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
