Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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