Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
