my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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