Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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