Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
