Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
