I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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