I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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