so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
