how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
