Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
