Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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