you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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