We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
