I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
