No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
