If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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