Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
...so i touched it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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