ugly people sure do ruin things
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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