you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You were trust falling into bushes
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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