Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
