I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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