Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
