Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.

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(443): View more from Maryland

We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.

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(360): View more from Washington

You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

My drug dealer was just on ESPN..

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