is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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