He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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