Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
