Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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