"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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