Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
