Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
