Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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