my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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