whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
