I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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